lesson 43: Self-sustaining goals?

I thought, “What deck should I use this week?” Then, got up and went into the office and saw this one sitting wonkily atop a pile of others on my shelves. “OK,” I said, having forgotten I even had this deck, “You seem to want to chat.” I know I ordered it, but I can’t remember why and I don’t even think I’ve ever used it. It’s the Old English Tarot by Maggie Keen (USG). Because it’s “old” and “English,” I thought next, “Oh, I’ll do a Tudor Rose spread!” And I did find one or two online, but they sucked. So I went to research where it comes from and realized that it doesn’t have any really useful meaning, and sometimes we have to let go of an idea when it’s not yielding anything useful—something, in fact, that’s helpful for tarot readers to recall. If we have a spread or a deck that never gets us the results we want . . . let it go. It ain’t worth your sanity, trying to force something to work.

So I used this vague, rose-like shape—in this case, the cards represents the points/leafs of the Tudor Rose? Or something. I don’t know. 

Here’s what we got:
Four of Batons (2),  Judgement (3)
                     Ace of Cups (1)
Knight of Cups (4), Ace of Coins (5)
                 King of Batons (6)

A spread, to me, is less useful when it tells what specific issue a card is addressing, because I think it’s easier and clearer for everyone to focus each spread on one question. When you think about it, most spreads are really a series of one-card readings with different questions on a related topic. But if I want to really understand the situation, I want all the cards to answer the same question. When I use a shape other than my nine-card square, I first look to see what relationships the spread indicates. 

In this case, we have several-many sets of pairs—and that’s quite cool. To whit: 4/batons+Judgement; 4/batons+knight cups; Judgement + ace/coins; ace/cups+king/batons. We also have two chevrons, not unlike another reading I did recently where the cards above served as houses for those below, and vice versa. So that gives us 4/batons+ace/cups+Judgment and knight/cups+king/batons+ace/coins. Then there’s the way five of the cards (4/batons, knight/cups, king batons, ace/coins, Judgement) create a vessel that contains the only vessel in the reading—the Ace of Cups! 

The degree to which any or all of this matters to our final answer is yet-to-be-seen, as is the mix of cards. Two batons (four, king); two cups (ace, knight); one major (Judgement); one coin (ace). Fire and water are dominant, air is totally absent. No thinking, here! No talking, either, and potentially no learning. Good or bad? We will soon see. 

The Ace of Cups draws my attention no matter how I look at the spread, and it was also the first card I out down. It’s closest relative is the king, below it. This shades the card more than any other. That’s useful, because an ace alone frequently means very little to me. Yes, we know the cliches—a new beginning, inspiration, a seed. But what are we actually saying when we say that? The King of Batons reminds us that if we wanna be a daddy, we gotta sire the kid first. This is rather a coarse way of saying it, but however you get there, if a seed is going to become anything, it needs to be fertilized. The King of Wands is “daddy” in just about all ways, so it’s hard to escape—of course, the ace, then, becomes the thing being fertilized. I find procreational myths really annoying, but given the fact that I can’t escape the fact that I exist because of this reality I also can’t let it not play out at least in some readings. 

Fire and water have an evangelical nature when combined, assumed they’re evenly matched—and I’d say they are, here. True, aces can suggest a little bit of something—they frequently do, in fact. At the same time, aces can be high. When we place one with a king, they definitely get upskilled. Evangelism is a bad word, but stripped of its right-wing political poisoning, it’s the enthusiastic spreading of a message. Now, earlier I said there was no air in the reading. I said that means there’s no thinking or even talking. But I was wrong, you see, because this card combination’s evangelical nature—the spirit or air created when fire and water make steam—indicate that, in fact, the whole point of this spread is an airy topic: spreading the “good news.” (That term comes from my Christian upbringing, and though Catholics aren’t particularly evangelical--these days--the term “good news” makes me think always: “Good news! We’ve come to colonize you and destroy your sense of identity so that we can gaslight you into giving us your money and land.”) 

So, the reading begins by saying that if you want to spread your message, you first have to get the message fertilized. Fleshed out. You have to birth a message and understand what it really is. What are you really saying? So often, in “these times,” we dash off the message before we even know what we think. We fire off the missive, the social media post, we operate from passion and fury and we let that motivate fits of, yes, evangelizing. If we were to review all those missives, how often did we say what we intended to? I know I’ve fucked up—luckily not too badly—when in my missive-making mode. And of course if I were to go back through my missive history, I’d see someone who is far more a work in progress than he thought he was. Ah, well. The point is, sometimes--especially when it’s a message that really needs to get out there—spending time being sure what the message actually is would be a good start.

Let’s look at some other pairings. Next up, Four of Batons and Judgement. I have to be honest, the Judgement card’s not one I particularly like. I’ve worked out my issues with most of the majors, but I’m never excited to see this one. Crowley’s change from Judgement to Aeon always struck me as pretentious, but when I learned what it meant I actually found it more useful an idea than its predecessor. Not in the esoteric Crowley way, but in the practical Tom Benjamin way. An eon/aeon is . . . an era. Crowley’s era refers to the new age he felt would be dawning—the third of a triptych featuring Isis, Osiris, and Horus. But any old era works in a reading, because we’re rarely dealing with something as large as the Age of Horus, say. But . . . we did land on the word “evangelizing” a moment ago, which could indicate a certain “size” that does imply we’re dealing more with an “aeon” than an “era.” 

The Four of Cups is sustained fire, sustainable fire—although, sometimes it’s also a conservative state of being. Sustainable (good) can become conservative (reductive) if not tended carefully. (I love that there’s a peacock on this card!) The combo of the four + Judgement suggests that this is an era of sustained fire. Energy being directed in such a way as to keep up its motor, keep up its own juice. Like the alternator in a car, essentially recharging the battery by using the battery. Or, in my case, the brakes in my car (a hybrid) charge the battery—so when I’m braking, the energy created there is sustaining my engine. The act of doing the thing makes the thing doable! 

The Knight of Cups paired with the Ace of Coin makes me think of using this newfound evangelical fervor for the thing to, actually, make a little scratch. Hey, now. But what of this interesting seemingly-encouraged mix of spirituality and capitalism? Is there more to know? Well, yes, because we have a few more combos to consider. 

The Four of Batons + the Knight of Cups mirrors the central pairing (ace/cups, king/batons) in element and temperament. The knight’s journey is sustained by this fire, this fever, for what they do. The Judgement card paired with the Ace of Coins suggests that we’re waking up to new ways of surviving capitalism. (Surviving is not the word I thought I was going to type, but that’s what came out and it sure as fuck is more apt.)

The top trio/chevron (4/batons, ace/cups, Judgement) suggests that a slow burn (4) has been leading to this new (ace) great awakening (Judgement). The bottom trio/chevron (knight/cups, king/batons, ace/coins) suggests that the pursuit (knight) of this powerful spiritual work (fire+water) and the growth (knight < king) leads, in fact, to a new life/job/earth.

I wasn’t going to deal with diagonals, but why the fuck not? There are only two paired this way: 4/batons+ace/coins: sustainable effort yields new payouts/opportunities; knight/cups+Judgement: loving (cups) pursuit (knight) leads to revelation (Judgement). 

Here, friends, we have a rare case where every single card in this spread had something to say, all of the cards spoke at more or less equal volume, and every single combo I could think of proved to deepen the overall message! 

When I get somewhat evangelical about finding ways of reading that yield this much context, it’s only because I know from experience that more context = clearer readings. I know it can seem overwhelming to have so many card combos to work with, but it’s not—not if you remember that the theme that develops will begin constraining and shaping the possibilities for the other card combinations. The more you start to understand what the reading is about, the fewer possibilities exist for card interpretations—and that’s so helpful! Because often the very first combo will narrow down the scope of the reading so much that you won’t feel overwhelmed at all!

Anyway, I haven’t yet yielded a clear reading; in fact, I’ve really just shown you my notes. What does this mean in terms of a lesson about divination?

Well, a lot, actually. Personally, it has some really resonant messages for me that I’m not ready to parse with you, yet, but it is quite timely. But I think—I know—a reading exists on multiples levels at one time, and so in a more general and reader-friendly sense the reading talks about the reality behind a dangerous cliche. 

Dangerous cliche? After all that evangelism, above? All that spirituality? 

Yes. The dangerous cliche is, “if you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life.”

That’s, to put it bluntly, fuckin’ nonsense. 

In fact, if you treat something you love that way, you will burn out. I guarantee it. When you take a vocation and turn it into a job—we often say “career,” but a career is just a job you sacrifice too much for—you change the dynamic. It’s not something you do because you want to; you do it, now, because you have to. And there will be times you dont want to have to, but you’ll have to. 

This is how people get burned out on spiritual work, trying to commoditize it, in a way, and to make it their career, their gig. And when that’s the ultimate objective, it’s risky. I won’t get into the whole thing about running a small business, here, because it’s out of scope and also it bores me. (If it bores you, too, let that be a sign.)

Now you might think, “well, gee, it’s easy for you to say don’t commoditize your work when you read for money and write books.” I don’t mean that you can’t capitalize on your spiritual work, divination or otherwise. I mean that you have to take the counsel of this reading if you do. 

I talked about the evangelical nature of the reading. I didn’t say to whom we were intending to spread that good news. And, in this case, it is a self-evangelizing that we’re after. Which I know sounds nuts, and I will admit that I’m just a touch tickled by THC right now, but it’s back to that metaphor of the car alternator. You have to find a way to inspire (evangelize) yourself to keep going, so that your progress as a reader—especially if you’re attempting to go pro—is sustainable and leads to awakenings and new eras (Judgement). The pursuit (knight) should be largely spiritual (cups), less so than on the coin (ace/coins)—though, of course, that is how we sustain part of our work. But this much be practical, activated (coins) spirituality (fire+water). Meaning, it must be useful and usable. There is a reciprocity, though, to this—that doing the work charges the battery so that the work can be done. 

And I guess that’s one way in which my own “professional” practice has been a success. I don’t really think about this much, and in fact hadn’t ever thought it right before this very moment, but the approach I took once I decided to make this something I’m compensated for is similar to what I described above. I never intended to make it a job, it’s just that a time arrived when requests for readings suggested that I start asking for compensation. “It’s just for my time,” I told myself and friends. “I enjoy doing this, but life is busy.” And that is the tac I’ve taken this whole time. And I don’t make a lot of money doing it, I remain in a corporate job. But I never dread reading people’s cards. I may procrastinate, but I never dread it. (Same with writing my books.) And I rarely procrastinate unless I’m exceptionally worn out, mostly because reading isn’t impossible but is significantly more work when I’m depleted. Same with the books and the classes. It would make sense for me to have a more regular teaching schedule (yes, some classes are coming!) and even have a plan of what the next five books might be. But that’s not a good way for me to work because when I’m forced to do things, I immediately resent them. And I love this work, so it has to be sustainable. I love doing fairs and markets and events and shops. I love reading for folks online. I love teaching. All of those things leave me feeling generally more energized at the end than I was at the start. And that’s how it should be. 

And that’s what I think the reading is saying. If you want to do this work, and if you want to capitalize in it, please find a way into it that is self sustaining and leads to your own progress and growth. Please, please avoid thinking of it as the dream-job, the ideal, the perfect solution to your employment frustrations or worries. Let the journey take you, in this case, and pay attention to when and where it takes you. This is will tell you a lot about the conditions under which you will thrive as a reader. In recent posts I’ve talked a lot about receptivity. More and more I think receptivity is the ideal state of being most of the time. It keeps us open to possibility and opportunity while not projecting any hard-and-fast expectations on a situation and also allows us to do a vibe check and say, “no, I don’t think that this option is for me right now.” I’ve talked before about how, in Big Magic, write Elizabeth Gilbert talked about genius not as something you are, but something that visits you. In order to receive genius—a temporary visit—you must be receptive to it. If you are aggressive to it, it stays away. 

Because I was raised Catholic, I was raised to be passive. “Let go and let God.” The underlying message, at least as I accepted it, was “you can’t do anything about what happens to you in life, so don’t get your hopes up.” When I found tarot in my late teens, what attracted me so much was that it made me feel for the first time like an active participant in my own life! I’d never felt that way before. And, of course, we know how much this “country” loves aggression. But receptivity isn’t passive. Not remotely. It is actively engaged in receiving, because it doesn’t let any old thing on in. It pays attention to what fits and what doesn’t. It listens to intuition, rather than imposing meaning. It encourages the ego to sleep—more and more I think it actively sedates it. And it’s actually quite a powerful state to live in. Because when the time comes for genius to visit—or whatever else happens in those modes—you’re ready, willing, and able to go on that journey! And they are fun journeys, I no know from experience. Both when doing readings, as well as many other things, including spell work and cooking!

So, to sum it up, this is a somewhat long and winding way of saying, “whatever you do, especially if you love it, make sure you develop a practice around it that is sustainable and gives back what you put into it. And if that changes, changes with it.” That’s the basic lesson. Receptivity. One of my new buzzwords, apparently. Add it to context.

A read of one’s own
Here’s a spread you can try to explore the message of this reading, but like I said above—I think that one question per reading is actually more useful. So you could also make this into four (or give, if you have a business) mini readings!

1. Where I might be pushing too hard in my practice
2. Where I’m being actively receptive
3. How I benefit from letting go of what I push too hard on
4. How I can enhance my overall receptive nature
5. (Optional) How can receptivity make my spiritual business—and my spirit—thrive

As always, wishing you a decent week!
Be good!

tb.